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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307685">Whiskey Lullaby</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaterBear/pseuds/TaterBear'>TaterBear</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shameless (US)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up, Broken Heart, Character Death, M/M, Pain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:13:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,551</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaterBear/pseuds/TaterBear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time<br/>But he never could get drunk enough to get him off his mind<br/>Until the night…</p><p>WARNING!!! Read at your own risk. This song is sad af &amp; this story might be too, I don’t know</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Whiskey Lullaby</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My insides are broken &amp; I needed to let it out.<br/>I’m sooooooooo sorry.</p><p>Gender pronouns changed in song because obviously.</p><p>Cannon divergence: Different 5x12 (this is probably worse)<br/>Ian didn’t come home after leaving Monica. He didn’t specifically break up with Mickey, but he ghosted him to the point where they were broke up. No Sammi &amp; Mickey didn’t go to prison.</p><p>You can find me in tumblr @deathdoesntdancealone. I’m not that interesting though, so you might not be too impressed.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><a href="https://youtu.be/1iuxTf3jJOY">Whiskey Lullaby</a> by Brad Paisley &amp; Alison Krauss </p><p>
  <em>He put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette<br/>
He broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget<br/>
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time<br/>
But he never could get drunk enough to get him off his mind</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>”Kev, is Mickey here?” Mandy walked into the bar she hadn’t seen the inside of in what felt like decades. The Alibi Room. God she hated being back in Southside. But Mickey wasn’t answering his phone &amp; she was worried.</p><p>Kevin shook his head. “No. I haven’t seen him in a few days.” He thought for a minute. “Frank was in here bothering him about Ian &amp; he took off.”</p><p>”Shit!” That’s all she needed. Her brother was taking the love of his life leaving him hard enough as it was.</p><p>”Did you try his apartment?” Kev continued when she shook her head. “He moved out of Terry’s house after…” He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to.</p><p>“Where?” She sighed.</p><p>Kevin looked at her. She could tell there was something he didn’t want to say. After a long pause all he said was “Find Lip” &amp; he went back to tending his bar.</p><p>Oh hell fuck no. Not Lip. Shit. She drove to the Gallagher house terrified of seeing her ex.</p><p>She was glad Debbie answered the door.</p><p>“Sup bitch?” Mandy smiled at her.</p><p>“The fuck are you doing here?” She smiled back.</p><p>“I’m trying to find my brother. I’ve talked to him almost every day since…” she trailed off, “but he stopped answering his phone.”</p><p> Debbie thought for a minute. “Have you asked Lip?”</p><p>”That’s why I’m here.” Mandy gestured at the house.</p><p>”Oh…” Debbie chuckled. “Duh. Here, I’ll call him.” She took out her phone. Yeah, that was probably best. Mandy didn’t want to talk to him if she didn’t have to. “So Lip will be here in a minute to take you to Mickey’s apartment.” Debbie hung your her phone &amp; looked uncomfortable. “He said he needed to talk to you.”</p><p>”Explain what Lip has to do with anything.” Why did everyone tell her to ask Lip. Why was Lip taking her to Mickey’s apartment.</p><p>”That’s one of the things he wants to talk to you about.” Debbie looked sad for a minute. But then a baby started crying. “There’s my baby girl. Did you wake up?” She picked her up &amp; kissed her face. She turned the girl to Mandy. This is your…” She stopped, looking at her. “Fuck it.” She shrugged. “This is your Aunt Mandy. She’s Uncle Mickey’s sister.”</p><p>Mandy looked at the baby, confused.</p><p>Debbie smiled “This is my daughter.” She looked proud.</p><p>Debbie had a daughter? Uncle Mickey? Why hadn’t Mickey told her any of this?</p><p>”You, uh, ready?” Mandy jumped at Lip’s voice. She hadn’t heard him come up behind her.</p><p>”Yeah, if you’re gonna explain why I’m in the fucking Twilight Zone.” She looked back at Debbie &amp; the baby.</p><p>Lip cleared his throat &amp; nodded.</p><p>Mandy followed him outside. He smiled at her. And a wave of emotion almost knocked her off her feet.</p><p>She missed him. She missed Debbie. And Carl. And even Fiona. She missed this part of her family that wasn’t really family. She missed their house. She missed their neighborhood. She missed Southside…</p><p>”Yo, you ok?” Lip brought her back to reality.</p><p>”Uh, yeah. I just didn’t know I missed this.” She gestured around the street. “I thought I left this behind me.”</p><p>Lip nodded. “I get. I felt that way every time I came back from college.” He sighed. “We need to talk Mandy.” He started walking to her Jeep.</p><p>She unlocked it &amp; they got in. “Which way is Mickey’s? And why are you taking me? And why is everyone telling me to talk to you about him?”</p><p>Lip rubbed his hand over his face. “Drive that way,” he pointed, “I’ll tell you when to turn.” He looked out the window. “After Ian…” Mandy could tell Lip was upset with his brother by the way he did his name. “Mickey got bad. He didn’t want you to know. The reason everyone is directing you to me is because…” He let out a big sigh. “I’m Mickey’s AA sponsor.”</p><p>Mandy was in shook. She just sat at the stop sign they were at until a car behind her honked. Mickey was in AA? “Wait, don’t you have to be in AA to be a sponsor?” She looked at Lip.</p><p>Lip nodded. ”We all have our demons.” </p><p>“Why didn’t he tell me anything?” Why was Mickey keeping all of this from her?</p><p>”He’s worried about dragging you back here. He’s happy you got out &amp; doesn’t want you to come back. He thinks you’re better off.” Lip sounded like he agreed with her brother.</p><p>“But if he’s in AA, why was he at The Alibi?” She glanced at Lip as he pointed for her to make a left turn.</p><p>”He goes there sometimes to hang out with Kev. They became friends with the whole Rub &amp; Tug thing. Kev keeps nonalcoholic beer just for him.” Lip shook his head. He didn’t understand their friendship, but whatever.</p><p>”That’s the first place I went to look. Kev said he hadn’t seen him for a few days. Said Frank was bothering him about your brother.” She glanced at him again &amp; this time he looked worried.</p><p>After following Lip’s directions, she parked in front of what looked like a cross between a church &amp; an old school. Lip had told her that the gentrification going on had renovated a few buildings like this into housing.</p><p>Lip led the way to an apartment in the back corner of the second floor. He knocked a few times, but didn’t get an answer. He took out his keys &amp; used one to unlock the door.</p><p>The smell was the first thing that got them. The ransacked apartment was the second. They both covered their faces &amp; tried not to gag.</p><p>”Leave Mandy.” Lip looked at her. He had gone as pale as Mickey usually was. “Leave right now.”</p><p>”But…”</p><p>Lip cut her off. “Don’t ask questions &amp; don’t argue. Just. Fucking. Leave.” His eyes were on fire with seriousness. “Now.”</p><p>She turned &amp; walked into the hall. She didn’t understand Lip’s reaction so she stayed out of sight, but where she could hear what was going on.</p><p>She could hear muffled cursing. And was Lip crying? She walked back into the apartment towards Lip’s voice. He sounded like he was on the phone now.</p><p>”Yeah, he’s not breathing &amp; it smells like he hasn’t been for a couple days…”</p><p>Mandy fainted.</p><p>***<br/>
Lip,</p><p>I know you’ll be the one to find me if I don’t wake up. I’m not planning on killing myself or anything but I’m so fucking drunk at this point &amp; I can’t sleep cause I’m fucking crying. So I’m gonna take these pills &amp; hope I don’t OD or some shit. Sorry I a fell off the wagon man. You’re a good sponsor. But Frank. Jesus that fucker needs to die. He started in on how Ian was just like Monica &amp; I am so much better off without him. Bastard. I don’t care if Ian doesn’t love me. I’ll love him till I die. He’s it for me man. He’s it.</p><p>***<br/>
The Gallaghers &amp; Mandy sat around the Gallagher table planning Mickey’s funeral. Mandy hadn’t realized that even though Mickey wasn’t with Ian anymore, everyone still considered him a Gallagher, including her.</p><p>”Fiona is stuck at Patsy’s, but she’ll be here soon.” Debbie hung up her phone. “She’s got some money to chip in.”</p><p>Mandy nodded. She could get the money herself no problem, but the Gallaghers wanted to chip in. Fiona was the most adamant about helping pay. In talking with Lip, she’d found out Fiona had really bonded with Mickey over Ian’s illness &amp; subsequent departure.</p><p>”So come to find out our grandma got all us grandkids burial plots. So we got a place to put him.” She sat back in her chair. “It’s a double plot, for our spouses or some shit, but I was thinking Yev could have the other side if he wants. I’m gonna get a double headstone too. But I don’t want you guys to have to pay for that part.</p><p>”No it’s fine. We’re chipping in.” Lip had a finality in his voice meaning he didn’t want her to argue.</p><p>Mandy nodded again &amp; she forced herself to hold back the tears that burned her eyes. She wasn’t going to let herself breakdown until after he brother was taken care of. There was too much to do.</p><p>”It’s a pretty spot. It’s got willow trees right next to it.” Mandy said. “I think he’d like it.”</p><p>“Did anyone find out how to get a hold of…?” Carl didn’t finish. He didn’t have to. Ian was not an easy subject in the Gallagher family &amp; considering how much everyone had come to love Mickey, it was that much worse now.</p><p>”I found a guy through Monica that said he might know another guy. But he’s in the wind as far as anyone knows.” Mandy had bugged one of her escort clients into trying to find her former best friend, but with no luck. </p><p>“Doesn’t fucking matter anyway.” Lip was chain smoking &amp; trying not to drink. He blamed Ian for Mickey’s death. And he was mad about it.</p><p>The backdoor opened &amp; everyone got ready to tell Frank to fuck off. But Frank wasn’t that tall. Or that pale. Or have red hair…</p><p>”Hey guys.” Ian walked in &amp; put his backpack on the floor. He smiled at Mandy. “I heard you were looking for me. Where’s your brother?”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>We found him with his face down in the pillow</em><br/>
<em>With a note that said, 'I'll love him till I die.'</em><br/>
<em>And when we buried him beneath the willow</em><br/>
<em>The angels sang a whiskey lullaby</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>The rumors flew but nobody knew how much he blamed himself </em><br/>
<em>For years and years he tried to hide the whiskey on his breath</em><br/>
<em>He finally drank his pain away a little at a time</em><br/>
<em>But he never could get drunk enough to get him off his mind</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Text to Ian</p><p>Lip: Yo E tf r u?</p><p>Mands: Ian Clayton Gallagher answer ur gd phon </p><p>Debs: Ian u ok?</p><p>Fi: Come home sweet face every1 is worried</p><p>Carl: Bro? </p><p>Kev: This is V. Boy you better answer your dam phone. If we get 1 more Gallagher in here whining about where you are I’m gonna kill you myself</p><p>*** </p><p>“You think we’ll find him?” Mandy looked worried as she packed her Jeep.</p><p>”I don’t fucking know.” Lip lit yet another cigarette.</p><p>Lip &amp; Mandy we’re both trying very hard not to think about the last time they had been in her Jeep, looking for a MIA brother. They both feared the worst.</p><p>After Mickey’s funeral, Ian had gone off the deep end. He had become a cross between Frank &amp; Monica, flitting in &amp; out of his family’s lives. They worried about him though, which is more than they did for either of their parents. They texted him all the time. Sometimes he text them back.</p><p>He kept in close contact with Mandy though. They talked almost every day. She told the Gallaghers about the adventures he would tell her he was having. If she was at the Gallagher house when he called they would gather around the table while she put her phone on speaker so they could hear his voice. He didn’t know that.</p><p>But he hasn’t talked to Mandy in almost two weeks. He isn’t answering his phone or text. So, she again, bugged one of her escort clients to help her track him down. They had an address for a for an RV park near Mark Twain National Forest in Missouri &amp; that’s where they were headed.</p><p>Lip remembered when he &amp; Ian had discovered The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. They both loved the book &amp; would pretend to be Tom &amp; Huck Finn often. He smiled now thinking his brother was still playing.</p><p>”Whatcha smiling about?” Mandy couldn’t help but grin at him as she changed the radio station.</p><p>”Just thinking about when me &amp; E were little.” He chuckled to himself. “Think we’ll have time to go to Meramec Caverns while we’re down there?” She gave him a confused look. “Tom Sawyer.” He chuckled again &amp; shook his head. “Never mind.”</p><p>They rode mostly in silence. It was a long drive, but they were both nervous as to what they would find at their destination &amp; anxiety kept them from talking much.</p><p>When they were almost there, Mandy decided she needed to tell Lip something she promised Ian she wouldn’t. “Remember when I was looking for Mickey &amp; you told me stuff Mickey didn’t want me to know?”</p><p>”Yes…” Lip looked her warily.</p><p>”Ian has been taking his meds.” Lip sighed sounding relieved. “But…” She took a deep breath.</p><p>”But… What…?” The way he was looking at her made her think of the phrase ‘if looks could kill’ &amp; she didn’t like it.</p><p>”He’s drinking, I think. I’m not sure. I asked him &amp; he denied it. He told me not to say anything to you about it.”</p><p>Lip rubbed his hand across his face. “Yeah, I thought I’d heard it in his voice a few times when you were on the phone with him, but I was hoping it was my imagination.”</p><p>Mandy nodded, glad he understood what she was trying to say.</p><p>They found the RV park &amp; asked the manager if he had seen Ian, showing him a picture Mandy had on her phone. She said they guy lived there &amp; told them which trailer was his. She also said she hadn’t seen him a a week or so, so he might have gone off with one of the guys she’d seen hanging around. Great…</p><p>They knocked, but didn’t get an answer. Lip tried the door &amp; it was unlocked. A wave of déjà vu hit Mandy &amp; made her dizzy. Lip looked at her &amp; she could tell he felt it too.</p><p>The smell hit them &amp; Mandy fainted.</p><p>***</p><p>Mick,</p><p>I love you so much. It’s all my fault. I look at this picture of us &amp; I just can’t. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t live. I can’t live without you. I’m done. I hope you’re waiting for me wherever I’m going. Be with me again. Forever.</p><p>***</p><p>Mandy stood over the coffin as they lowered her best friend into the ground. She held the torn picture of him &amp; her brother he’d had clutched in his hand. They’d had to tear it to get it out. She had wanted to put it &amp; the letter in the coffin with him, but Fiona wanted her to keep them both.</p><p>Lip looked at the headstone. “I’m glad you did this for him Mandy.” He was trying unsuccessfully to not cry.</p><p>“It was the least I could do.“ She said hugging him.</p><p>***</p><p>HERE LIES</p><p>
  <b>Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich</b>
</p><p>August 10, 1994 - December 11, 2016</p><p>-AND-</p><p>
  <b>Ian Clayton Gallagher</b>
</p><p>May 9, 1996 - October 14, 2018</p><p>TRUE LOVE TOGETHER</p><p>AT LAST</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>We found him with his face down in the pillow</em><br/>
<em>Clinging to his picture for dear life</em><br/>
<em>We laid him next to him beneath the willow</em><br/>
<em>While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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